The Big Bang Dragon
The Big Bang Dragon
There once was born a fire-breathing dragon, right there in a cloistered holy place. His father was Vanity, his mother was Ignorance. Today he is neary a hundred years old. Today he terrorizes our planet. He steals our food, he defiles our lore, he dances raucously before us, he falsifies our universe. Then he bilks us. Some very powerful dragonrunners manipulate this fearsome beast.
THE BIG BANG DRAGONRUNNERS
Georges Lemaître (Belgian Roman Catholic priest), George Gamow (Russian physicist who fled to America) and Steven Weinberg (All-American):
The succession of the Most Exalted Grand Doyens of Big Bang Cosmology
Lemaitre wanted expressly to reconcile science with St. Thomas Aquinas’ theological dictum of creatio ex nihilo — creation out of nothing. All the fools that followed him were doing his bidding, while thinking they were doing great science.
Lemaitre’s agenda with Big Bang Cosmology is clear:
Using the credibility of science to stake out territory for Catholicism.
The irony: Staunch atheist Weinberg is doing the Lord’s work!
A great warrior from a faraway land now came to slay the dragon. He would have succeeded had it not been for people from his own land subverting him. Thus thwarted, the most dejected warrior told his disciple: Now you must do it.
Now this disciple, a high plains drifter, became the new dragonslayer. He got on his burro and headed for the dragon’s lair. He found that the place was well fortified. He needed help. He asked the gods to send help. They did.
The people from his Guru’s land now tried to subvert also the disciple by fortifying the dragon with gold armor. But the gods now fortified the dragonslayer.
Thus the field was evened. It was now between the dragon and the dragonslayer. As the dragon blasted the dragonslayer with his fiery breath, the gods lowered an invisible barrier. When they lifted the barrier, the dragonslayer drew his sword called the Kharga and beheaded the beast with one swift strike. The dragon fell in two pieces, shriveled up and turned to dust.
Now the dragonslayer touched the ground with the tip of his blood-dripping sword and looked skyward in salute to his Guru.
People of the planet now came and looked at the mound of dust that was the Hundred-year Scourge. They took heart. They armed themselves with broom handles, pitchforks and baseball bats and went in large throngs after the dragonrunners. These hombres malos did not have a chance! As they were hightailing it, they fell into a dark bottomless shaft, never to be heard from again.
The beast was dead. The beastmasters were dispatched.
And all lived happily after that.
Sleep easy now, children.
Your Universe is rescued and set right.
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral, Hush now don’t you cry!
No more dragons under your bed.
The Big Bang Cosmology Dragonslayer is on the job!