SHOCK-JOCK HAWKING IS DOING MORE THAN SHOCK-JOCKING!

MODEL 2013

Every year or so Stephen Hawking goes on a tour and issues a shock-jock quotation and follows it by a little self-deprecating humor. This year he has come to Caltech.

At his home institution Cambridge University Hawking is surrounded by a whole bunch of scientists, an entourage that has now been formalized as the Stephen Hawking Center for Theoretical Cosmology.

I don’t know if these scientists sit around an oval conference table and drink tea from Royal Doulton China with hand-painted periwinkles and brainstorm and develop what joke and what humor Hawking should spin each year, or if these are pure Hawking. Hard to say.

At any rate, from reading various news reports, here is what I understand to be the 2013 Model Shock-Jock Revelation:

M-Theory will save mankind from assured annihilation.

How does that work? It seems that M-Theory will help define the Inflation Era geometry of the Cosmic Egg and show us the seeds of the beneficial places there that will be evident in the picture of the Baby Universe. Then the “current” locations of these places in the universe will be identified. Then mankind will go to those places and set up household.

The Earth will self-destruct in another 1000 years, give or take. So that’s how much time we have to work this out.

The 2013 Model Self-Deprecating Humor is this:

His Holiness the then Pope had once subjected Hawking to an (Torquemada-style?) Inquisition, and Hawking feels proud about it.

Oh – kay then.

Now someone asked him a question. Advances in science and technology have made it possible for a human to control a machine with only his thoughts. What kind of machine would Hawking like to control?

The answer: He would like to control a human being.

If you put that together with another statement he made on the occasion of his 70th birthday, it would seem that he would like to control a human being of the female pursuation.

ENOUGH HUMOR!

Enough humor! There is something very dark going on here folks.This is the beginning of the retrenchment of Big Bang Theory. They are doing a number on you.

Big Bang is dead – and they know it. They can keep it alive like Norman Bates’ mother only so long.

Having subjected the world most aggressively to this garbage science for a hundred years, and having roughed up the critics badly, they cannot now admit that Big Bang is dead. They are riding a fast and ferocious and a very hungry tiger they cannot dismount.

Hence this surreptitious plan to make Big Bang go away without anyone ever realizing that any fault was ever admitted.

LE PLAN DIABOLIQUE

Here’s how it will play out. The huge umbrella of M-Theory has been brought over Big Bang. Hawking introduces the idea kind of casual-like, but this is a part of a well-orchestrated stratagem. Under the cover of this already unfurled umbrella, the hombres will do their hanky-panky.

Big Bang will be taken from the Cosmology Directorate and transferred to the Superstring Directorate. There it will be refurbished in Hangar 18. It will then be given a new name and a new coat of paint. (The superstringers are nothing if not masters at coming up with jargons.) Then the new model will be rolled out.

This entire process will then be described as normal, healthy course of evolution of scientific ideas.

WHO WILL PUNISH THE HOMBRES MALOS?

Who will the GAO hold accountable for the tens of billions of dollars and euros of taxpayer money? Who can be sued class-action for the hundreds of millions of dollars and euros of brisk commerce in glossy books and dvds, products that should have been recalled years ago? Who will answer for the scamming with data from three satellites? How will the seven bogus Nobel Prizes be addressed? What about the historically tainted roster of so many prizes and accolades and commencement speeches? How will the historical monuments and permanent museum exhibits be explained to visiting children? How will children’s textbooks be rectified? How will they be told to disregard people who they have worshipped so lovingly as great heroes? Who will pay for the shrinks the children might then need to cope with this trauma?

A PROVERB

There is a Bengali proverb: Whatever blame there is to assign, just dump it all on Nanda Ghosh. (Joto dosh Nanda Ghosh.)

Who will be Big Bang’s Nanda Ghosh?

[Click to enlarge]
Stephen Hawking Big Bang Theory Cosmology landscape
COBE Satellite, WMAP Satellite, Planck Satellites

Stephen Hawking Big Bang Theory Cosmology landscape
COBE Satellite, WMAP Satellite, Planck Satellites

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